Part of the reason many of us seek to work out is to improve our looks. We want to be beautiful to others; to have a slim, tan, and toned body like the ones we might see on TV or in the magazines. It's not only the media that holds standards we strive to achieve...our friends, co-workers, even random people we see on the street become models for comparison. I know that I don't speak just for women. Men do it too, albeit in a slightly different fashion.

The truth is...there will always be someone out there who is more beautiful than us. We hold ourselves to such high standards. My abs just aren't quite as pronounced as I'd like them. Or my thighs are still just a little too big and jiggly. Or just a few more pounds and I'll be happy. And honestly, I truly believe that even the most beautiful men and women out there are thinking the exact same things that we, the "average" populace, think.

So with our ideas of the perfect body seen on someone else, we work our butts off...putting in those extra minutes to burn off just a few more extra calories. And in the end when we have a beautiful body...there's still something else we can work on. Now don't get me wrong...it's important to have goals and something to work for. After all, there's really no point in exercising aimlessly. However, I believe that some things are a state of mind. At some point, you just have to will your mind to believe that you are beautiful. The sooner we start, the better.

Then, instead of getting discouraged later down the road when we don't look like that swimsuit model...we can still keep going because we're already beautiful. Why spend time criticizing ourselves and putting ourselves down? It's rather silly if you really think about it.

So it's time to stop finding flaws and being discouraged. Start picking out things that you like about yourself without comparing it to someone else. Look at yourself in the mirror and see you for who YOU are...not someone lesser than another. Make yourself a list and tack it on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you can see on a daily basis to remind yourself that you really are beautiful.

Hello all my curious and faithful readers...I am back. It is almost midnight right now and I should be heading to bed as I will have to be at work tomorrow morning at 9 AM...but I just had to write something right now because over time, I will tend to forget things...so it is best to write it down right after it happens, or very soon thereafter.

So let me backtrack to Boston and the training first. In a nutshell, I met an amazing group of people who share my passion for education and community outreach, had a great time learning about the history and philosophy of Citizen Schools, and got pumped with all the fun HR paperwork I had to fill out.

So my impression of Boston...it's a pretty nice city. Still a big city, but contains so much history and seems much more manageable than New York City. The one thing that threw me off was the MBTA...or their subway/train system. So, I arrive at the Logan airport and had been given instructions by CS (Citizen Schools) to take the silver line to get to their headquarters. I'm expecting an underground subway, but instead find myself getting on a bus. Well, sure, that's fine...but then halfway through the ride, the bus goes underground and is almost like a subway. Needless to say, I was rather confused.

When I got to headquarters, I dropped off my luggage and got to meet two  ladies who, like myself, had arrived a few hours before. So the three of us, along with our host and leader Paul went out for lunch together. Of course, we did the usual introductions and chatted about why we joined the program and what he hoped to do the next two years. Then Rachel, the girl I will be working with at the same school arrived, and the four of us spent a fun time exploring that Children's Museum.

Hm, if I keep typing about every detail, it'll be really late before I finish...so I suppose I shall highlight right now. People started trickling in and we started off learning about just how CS runs by jumping right into a circle. And basically training was a lot of just jumping right in to model the sort of activities we would be doing with the students ourselves. I guess the most memorable part of the entire evening was me walking around in 2 inch heels in downtown Boston as we went to go eat dinner. As I had mentioned in my previous post, I thought my legs were going to fall off...and my feet were of course covered in blisters.

Thursday was a day full of HR information as well as an introduction by the CEO for CS. Eric came and told us amazing stories about why and how he started CS and just the entire philosophy and concept behind CS. It was pretty inspirational and encouraging to see the statistics to know that this program really does work. Each of us as Teaching Fellows received a laptop issued by CS for loan for the next two years. And believe me, the benefits aren't too shabby either. 100% healthcare, 50% dental, life insurance, retirement plan, plus Americorps membership for help with student loans. It's a pretty sweet deal in spite of the pretty dismal paycheck.

My favorite part of the sessions was getting to hear two high schoolers share their past experience with CS and just how much it helped them. The two of them were giving us honest advice about how best to reach the students...and sharing just what a great program CS was...and their aspirations for various colleges. By the end of the two and a half days of training, all of us really felt as though we were family...this network of people from all over with the same purpose.

And now, in just a few hours I will start my very first day on the job..and I'm both nervous and frightened and intimidated yet so excited and eager and ready. I should probably end here, though I still have so much to talk about. I guess the real challenge comes when the going gets tough and I feel about to give up...will I remember to look back to this time for encouragement and a rekindling of the passion? I hope so. I think i will leave off with this one quote which I found lately and which seems to encompass what I believe teaching should be.

"A good teacher is like a candle - consuming itself to light the way for others." ~Unknown

Ack, once again, it's been a few days since I've updated. And well, a lot has been going on. A lot of random thoughts have popped into my head that I sort of wanted to rant and talk about in this post. Bare with me, it might get a little bit long.

It absolutely boggles my mind how much drama people seem to enjoy....and even more, how vindictive they can get. Why can't the past just be the past? Why is it that people seem to want to take it upon themselves to exact revenge...and do it in the meanest, most horrific way. Adults...people who are suppose to mature. Oh, and even more...people with children. I mean...seriously?! I am just at a loss for words, honestly...and well, pretty disgusted to say the least. Believe me, I've had my fair share of petty things I had done as a kid for another classmate I didn't like. And I have done some pretty mean things...some I'm not so very proud of. BUT...when you are almost 30 years old?!?! Wow...I mean seriously...what happened to the love? What happened to forgive and forget?

On a more cheerful note I suppose....I heard something interesting the other day at church. The speaker said that when we let our self esteem come from how others view us, deriving pleasure in what others say or think about us...then essentially we are surrendering power to them. And despite how great we may feel when they do pay us a compliment or whatever, essentially we are reduced to nothing without them. It hit close to home because I feel as though I've always put a lot of emphasis on what others think of me, wanting to please them which in turn would please me. Instead I would only get upset when I wasn't doing that...frustrated and hurt that they didn't think of me a certain way that I had expected. Yielding that power to another leaves one helpless...a feeling I have felt on many occasions, but never really thought about it in that perspective. Understanding sometimes comes when a different light is shed on a situation.

I have also been struggling lately with how I feel about careers and what to do with my life. Being the type of person I am, I want to do a "worthwhile" job that "helps" people. Mostly, to help underprivileged people who can't help themselves. But these jobs...well...they don't pay well. For example, I think i want to be a teacher, though the next 2 years will tell whether or not I'm cut out for it. And I could decide to work in a private school and get paid rather decently or work with college students and do the same. Instead, I want to work with 5th graders..the young and impressionable..and not just any group, but those of them who live in underdeveloped areas. Not administration or counseling...but the actual teacher who sees them day to day, hour by hour. And why? Because I love kids...and I want to be a role model...and I want them to realize that education's important to their futures. (Although I have qualms about degrees and all that...which is a topic for another time). But I know....I just know...that if that is what I do...I will never enjoy the same luxuries that I do now. I will never be able to afford that dream car or dream house I've always pictured...and I will "downgrade" myself from my parents' 3 story, 5 bedroom house to a small apartment or 3 bedroom house. And though I claim that I will do it...that it's no problem...I really wonder if I am cut out for it. If I won't regret it later down the road. Not to mention the fact that I just feel as though I wasted 200K of my parents' money to send me to such an amazing university...only to come out to be a teacher. Internally struggle...you bet. So what should life really be made up of? Following our hearts and dreams? Or waking up to reality and facing it? Can it be both? I guess only time will tell with me....